But what if there is nothing wrong with all these children at all?
Why do some intelligent, capable children struggle in traditional schools but thrive elsewhere? Explore the research behind personalised education, school disengagement, student wellbeing, and why alternative learning environments are growing in Sri Lanka and around the world.
ICS Team
One of the most common concerns parents bring to us is “My child hates school.”
Sometimes it is said quietly, almost apologetically, others with frustratio, or it comes after years of battles over homework, tears before school, anxiety around exams, or a gradual loss of confidence that nobody seems able to explain.
And almost always, the parent is carrying the same fear. We see the Facebook posts, anonymous, asking for help, asking strangers "What if there is something wrong with my child?". They are often feeling isolated, unable to openly speak of the issues with family or friends for fear of judgement, or hearing that it was somehow because of poor parenting. The loneliness and the desperation is palpable.
But what if there is nothing wrong with all these children at all?
The problem was never the children. We see that every day at ICS. The problem was always that we tried to push all children through one model of education and we struggle to recognise when it simply is not the right fit for a particular child. Because the reality is that not all children thrive in traditional classrooms. And that should not be controversial.
After all, no adult learns in exactly the same way as another. Some learn through discussion. Some through reading. Some through doing. Some need structure. Others need autonomy. Some work best alone. Others need collaboration.
Yet when it comes to children, we often expect the opposite.
We place 20, 30, sometimes 40 students in a room and ask them all to learn the same thing, at the same pace, in the same way, and then wonder why some flourish while others disengage. Many children learn to get themselves through the system, they learn early on how to perform their development. We see those children and we say "well see the system does work", but we never stop to ask "how much more could they have achieved had they not had to perform learning?" or "what was the cost of this performance on this child?".
Thankfully, parents are increasingly aware of the individual needs of their children.
Around the world, there has been growing discussion about school disengagement, student anxiety, academic burnout, and the rising number of children who appear capable, intelligent, and curious, yet seem completely disconnected from learning.
Research from multiple countries has found that student engagement often declines steadily as children move through school. Studies have shown that many students become less interested in learning, less motivated, and less connected to their education as they progress through traditional academic systems.
This is particularly concerning because curiosity is not something children naturally lack. Most young children begin life asking hundreds of questions every day. They are naturally driven to explore, investigate, experiment, and understand the world around them. The question we should be asking is not why children stop being curious.
It is what happens to that curiosity once they enter systems that prioritise compliance, standardisation, and performance above all else.
Many parents recognise the pattern. Their child was confident, creative, talkative, full of ideas and gradually this all slips away. Replaced by either anxiety and avoidance or superficial performance. Learning becomes something they endure rather than enjoy.
And often, nobody can explain why. The assumption is usually that the child needs to try harder. Study for longer, go to more classes, play and socialise less, be more disciplined.
One of the most misunderstood truths about education is that academic performance and learning are not always the same thing. A child can achieve good grades while being deeply disengaged from learning. Equally, a child can struggle within traditional systems while possessing exceptional creativity, critical thinking skills, emotional intelligence, leadership ability, or entrepreneurial potential.
The challenge is that traditional schooling tends to reward a relatively narrow range of strengths. Children who are good at memorisation, structured tasks, examinations, and compliance often perform well. Those whose strengths sit elsewhere frequently find themselves misunderstood. This is why many highly intelligent children appear to struggle in school.
Not because they are incapable. But because intelligence itself is far broader than most educational systems recognise. Some children need movement, others need interaction, other yet need practical application. They need different levels of challenge, time, space and opportunity to learn.
They all need environments where mistakes are treated as part of learning rather than something to fear. Where failure is learning, not the absense of it.
When these needs are not met, children often begin to disengage. And unfortunately, disengagement is often mistaken for laziness. But the research tells a very different story. Psychologists have consistently found that motivation thrives when people experience three things: autonomy, competence, and connection.
In simple terms, people engage more deeply when they feel some control over their learning, when they feel capable, and when they feel understood. And traditional education often struggles to provide these conditions consistently.
Particularly as class sizes grow, curriculum demands increase, and schools become increasingly focused on measurable outcomes. As a result, many children spend years trying to adapt themselves to environments that were never designed with their individual needs in mind.
And the consequences can be significant. We are seeing rising levels of school-related anxiety, burn out, mental health issues, loss of confidence and fear of failure.
We have to remember that education is not just about what a child learns today. It is the foundation of their entire future, who they become over the decades, how they face their lives and how fulfilled they become. It is the cornerstone of every part of a child's future.
And in order to do our best for our children, in Sri Lanka as much as anywhere else in the world, we need to make sure that rather than asking "what if there is something wrong with my child?", we start asking "what does my child need in order to thrive and fly high?"
